


Otaku Convention

by FollyOfWinchester



Series: Beat It on Extreme [1]
Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Accidental Cosplay, Anime, Anime Convention, Canon Compliant...ish..., Comedy, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Frotting, Guilt, Improper Use of Nanomachines, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mutual Masturbation, Post-Shadow Moses, Resolved Sexual Tension, Rhythm Games, Roommates, Silly, The author is a weeb..., The author is not a biologist...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-23 10:49:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4873927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FollyOfWinchester/pseuds/FollyOfWinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hal uses his downtime between missions for various shenanigans, all of which involve Dave. Set at various times between the Shadow Moses Incident and the Big Shell Incident.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hobbies

**Author's Note:**

> These are just a bunch of goofy ideas I and my partner had while I was replaying MGS1 and MGS2. In his words: "Wow, they're more canon than Destiel!" Consequently, this fic is verging on crack and is probably a bit OOC, but who cares! Everything is beautiful and nothing hurts, so read this as recovery after one of the super depressing MGS4 fics out there. :3
> 
> Chapters 1, 3, and 5 are from Hal's POV and 2 and 4 are from Dave's.
> 
> I don't own any of the stuff I mention in this fic and I do not profit monetarily from anything herein.

"What are you doing? Unless hacking into classified files is getting a lot flashier..."

"Huh?" Hal pushes his glasses up his nose with his free hand while he continues to tap his fingers rhythmically on his keyboard's directional buttons, "Oh, this is just a game. I'm using a Playstation 2 emulator to play Dance Dance Revolution Extreme."

"Why?" Dave's voice sounds closer.

"Well...just for fun, I guess." Hal can feel the color rising in his cheeks. He still hasn't gotten used to these little interludes of Dave, a.k.a. Solid Snake, a.k.a. living legend, a.k.a. god among men, asking him mundane questions about his life with actual interest. It feels like being in a spotlight fueled by the sun. He squares his shoulders and tries to focus on the arrows running across the screen instead of...wherever his mind was thinking of taking him.

Dave grunts from right behind him, "Fun, huh? Looks like a waste of time to me."

Hal finishes the song he was playing and sighs at his score before turning to face Dave directly, "Well, yeah. But that's what hobbies are all about, don't you think? What do you do to 'waste time' between missions?"

"What do you mean? I never waste time."

Hal has to laugh at that. Leaning on the windowsill and smoking definitely counts as "wasting time" in his book, but he bites back the comment because he's actually interested and Dave seems talkative, "I mean like, playing chess, or watching sports, or knitting—"

"You think I knit?"

"It's just an example!"

"Hm, I like working out, I guess. And relaxing with a smoke. Anything that lets you think your own thoughts for a while."

"But those aren't... Don't you like any television shows?"

"What, you mean like your cartoons?" Dave shakes his head, "Nah, not really. Never saw the appeal."

Hal folds his arms at the word "cartoons." Dave likes working out? He's gonna show Dave "working out," otaku style.

~*~

"And these," Hal points to the majestic spread of arrows covering the floor in front of the large monitor, "are Cobalt Flux Dance Pads made from a polycarbonate blend and a stainless steel housing. It took me weeks to arrange an untraceable method to purchase them, but here they are in the flesh...uh...plastic and metal, anyway," Hal sweeps his hands toward the completed masterpiece before them.

Dave crosses his arms, "And?"

"And?! It's the perfect setup! I've downloaded every step chart and song combination I could find into a rhythm game called StepMania! It would take us 643 hours of constant play to cycle through all the songs! It's every avid DDR player's dream come true!"

"Hm," Dave pokes an experimental toe onto one of the pressure sensors.

"Why don't you give it a try?"

Dave grunts and shakes his head, "Nah."

Hal grins. He knows that "Nah." It means "I'm definitely going to do it, but I'm trying to appear uninterested initially to maintain my tough guy façade." It was the same nah that Dave used when faced with one of Hal's delicious cocktails that looked "too girly" for him. Hal knows the move to checkmate, "What? Afraid I'll beat you?"

"Ha! You wish. I could beat you at anything that even resembles physical fitness!"

 _Jackpot._ "How about a friendly wager, then? If I win, you have to watch at least one episode of an anime of my choosing."

"Okay, and if _I_ win, you have to go get the groceries by yourself next time. No complaints about doing it, either. Before _or_ after," Dave emphasizes the "or" by jabbing Hal in the chest with his index finger.

Hal's not 100% sure that he'll be able to win since he hasn't played in, what, years? But then Dave's prize could be worse and Hal's just excited to share one of his hobbies with his unlikely roommate. He opts for false bravado, "You drive a hard bargain, but I think you'll find my balancing ability and rhythm are nothing to laugh at. I've been playing this game since I was a kid."

Hal moves to choose a song and Dave grabs him by the arm, "Hey, come on. You don't think I'm going to let you pick, do you? That'd be like rigging the game. You'll just pick your favorite."

Hal concedes the point, "Okay, what if we just play a random song."

Dave strokes his chin and then nods, "You couldn't possibly have played all 600 and whatever hours of songs before, so fine. Random it is."

With a few stomps on the pads, Hall sets them both to "Standard Mode," assures an incredulous Dave that they are both on the same difficulty level, and selects the option for a random song. The title screen of "INSERTiON" by NAOKI underground loads up and Hal cheers silently to himself. DDRMAX was one of his favorite mixes and INSERTiON was one of his best songs! _I've got a chance!_

For the next two or so minutes, neither of them so much as utters a curse because they're so concentrated on winning. Hal spares a quick glance at Dave's life bar. He isn't failing, but he isn't doing perfectly either. Their scores will probably be pretty close. As the song ends, they both watch their letter ratings tick onto the screen.

 _A "B" for Dave. Wow, not bad for a first try. And I got..._ "An 'A'! Yes!" Hal pumps his fist in the air and Dave groans beside him.

Hal lets out an excited peal of laughter, "Finally! Something physical I'm better at than the legendary super soldier Solid Snake!" He starts a less-than-dignified victory dance when Dave smirks at him and promptly shoves him off the pad sideways. Completely taken by surprise, Hal goes tumbling over, face headed directly for the corner of the salvaged metal shelving unit he uses as a computer desk.

Before Hal can even register what's just happened, a strong arm wraps around the side of his ribs and Hal's nose stops a few inches away from perilous impact.

"Sorry," Dave rights Hal's attitude so that he can regain his balance and then squeezes his shoulder, "I didn't think you'd fall what with all that 'balancing ability' of yours."

Hal offers a weak smile in response. He can still feel the embrace of Dave's solid arm where it was wound around him. He realizes he's panting, and not just from the recent physical exertion.

~*~

"I really think you're going to like this one! It's about a team of misfit bounty hunters, so..." Hal motions between himself and Dave where they sit on the couch. He starts the episode and then settles back down into the cushion, aware that Dave's arm is resting across the back of the couch right behind his head. Hal closes his eyes and imagines for a moment that Dave has done the old stretch-and-settle-around-the-shoulders maneuver on him instead of just sitting down like that out of habitual comfort. He lets a satisfied hum accompany a deep breath out through his nose. Hal can't think of a more perfect way to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon.

They sit in companionable silence for a few minutes watching the episode before Dave breaks in to ask a question.

"Who's he again?" Dave gestures at Spike Spiegel on the screen.

"Oh, you mean Spike? Yeah, he's the main character." 

"'Spike,' huh? You two look...similar. That why you like this 'Cowboy Bebop' show?" Dave gestures at the screen again.

Hal blushes and looks over at Dave. He'd always admired Spike, his cool demeanor, his sharp suits, his perfect anime proportions. Spike reminds him more of Dave than himself, right down to the cigarettes. Flattered, Hal smiles, "You really think I look like him?"

Dave just nods without looking back at him, gaze still focused on the screen, "Yeah, you're scrawny, you're tall...ish, and you've got dark..." Dave's hand moves from the back of the couch to fluff in Hal's hair, "sort of puffy hair."

Hal is caught by surprise by the brief touch and a chill runs down his spine. He sighs appreciatively before he can stop himself.

Dave looks over at Hal like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He whips his hand down into his lap and clears his throat.

They both stare pointedly at their laps for several seconds.

Dave breaks the silences again, "I...uh...I think I missed the last part. Can you rewind it?"

"Oh...y-yeah, sure," Hal pushes his glasses back up his nose and takes the video back about a minute.

They end up watching another nine episodes before dinner and stay up until 2 AM watching the rest.


	2. Otacon

Dave pinches the bridge of his nose and groans. "Don't tell me I'm gonna have to walk around with you like that all day. What is it anyway? Twinkie pajamas?" How had this happened? How, after weeks of practice, had Hal _still_ beaten him on that goddamn dancing machine?

"It's a Pikachu kigurumi, thank you very much, and yes, I'm absolutely wearing it all day. It's the only place I can get away with it!"

"I'll bet," Dave takes a sip of coffee and looks down at his own sleep t-shirt and boxers, "Wait, did you sleep in that thing?"

Hal looks stricken and kicks at the ground absently while shoving his glasses further up his nose in that endearing way of his, "Uh...maybe?"

Dave just shakes his head and smirks, "Pretty excited about this, huh?" How a world class hacker manages to be this fucking cute all the time is beyond him.

Hal beams back at Dave, "You bet! DakimakuraCon is the most anticipated anime convention of the entire year! _And_ I don't have to go all alone this time because you're terrible at DDR!" he pulls one hand into a fist in front of his face in a celebration of victory.

Dave could swear the lenses of Hal's glasses catch the kitchen lights for a fraction of a second. _How does he do that?_ He can't help but pat Hal affectionately on the shoulder. Yeah, it would be an unnecessary, if relatively minor, risk to their operation and, honestly, probably completely humiliating, but if walking around with Hal while he wears some weird Japanese onesie could make him this happy, Dave would gladly suck it up for a few hours.

"What about you, Dave, or should I say 'Bill'? Want to wear some of my other cosplay stuff? I mean, not that most of it would fit you, but we could at least try the—"

 _Bill. What a boring name._ Hal had picked it as a cover, spouting something about "wild stallions" and starting a band. "No thanks, _Ted_. I just want to blend in with the crowd." _As much as one can blend in next to Pika-whatever, walking stuffed animal._

"Suit yourself. Get it? Both literally _and_ figuratively!"

"Oh, for the love of..." Dave drags is palm over his face and sets his mug down on the table before heading off to get dressed. _Oh, for the love of Hal Emmerich_ , he smiles to himself.

~*~

"Don't tell me I'm gonna have to walk around with you like that all day," Hal makes a comical attempt to mimic Dave's voice.

"What?" Dave looks down at his blue and white bowling shirt, hunter green t-shirt, and light blue jeans and adjusts the red trucker hat on his head. He looks every bit the part of an average civilian.

"What do you mean, 'what'? You did this on purpose, right?"

"I just..." Dave can't figure out what he's missing, "These are just normal clothes," he tugs the collar of his button down toward Hal as evidence and then points to his head, "You even _gave me_ this hat with the little green swoosh on it, saying it was from some cartoon or other! I thought you'd appreciate me wearing it to this big anime party of yours. So what I mean is 'what's wrong with my goddamn outfit.'"

"No, no, nothing. You're right. It's fine," Hal face contorts with barely contained laughter as he motions Dave over to take a picture together.

~*~

It's absolutely _not_ fine. They had been stopped by no less than 15 people asking to take pictures of them, spouting things like "Oh, wow, what a great Ash and Pikachu!" or "Awww, look at those older guys still out cosplaying!" or even "What an adorable couple's cosplay!" and they hadn't even gotten their tickets yet. They were still in the goddamn line!

"Ted, this is bad. We're going to have to pick up and move again as soon as this is over. I've seen 50 to 60 cameras pointed our way already."

"Come on, Bill, what do you take me for? You think I can't handle scrubbing our faces from a few pictures posted on the internet by teenage otakus?"

Dave grunts in acknowledgement, but Hal's skills at digital espionage aren't particularly comforting in the moment. All of the attention is making Dave really tense and he wants to get out of the limelight as quickly as possible, "Look, it seems like all these people are really fixated on our 'costumes' going together. Which you will be explaining to me later," he prods Hal in the chest, "Anyway, let's split up for a while. I'll meet you inside later. Just use the codec."

Hal gives him a thumbs up and Dave pushes away through the crowd.

~*~

Dave makes quick work of sneaking into the building and takes to wandering around a grid of merchandise tables. A technicolor carnival greets him from every direction. Almost everyone is in a brightly colored wig and an outlandish outfit and the tables are coated with figurines, stuffed animals, books, clothing, and everything in between. Feeling slightly overwhelmed by the sheer number of people milling around, Dave tries to move toward pockets of less densely populated space. One of these pockets happens to be right next to a table boasting a keychain that looks really similar to whatever Hal is dressed up as. Before he can talk himself out of it, Dave is forking over five dollars and stowing the keychain safely in his pocket.

As he looks back up, a movement in his periphery and the sense that someone is watching him snap Dave back to attention. He sees someone up on the darkened second floor balcony, wearing night vision goggles and staring directly at him. Were they followed? Did someone know they would be here? He makes his way up toward the stairs, sneaking past a ticket checker as he goes and ignoring the "No Admittance for DakimakuraCon" signage on the entrance to the balcony. 

Once Dave reaches the balcony and sees that the potential spy is all alone, he relays the information to Hal.

The codec beeps once and then Hal answers, "Yeah, Bill?"

"Someone's watching us. I've got him cornered on the second floor balcony. Stay out of sight...as much as you can in a yellow jumpsuit, anyway."

"What, I—"

Dave cuts the codec off before Hal can respond and peeks around the corner. The spy is leaning casually on the banister, facing away from Dave's position. Dave creeps silently over and grabs the spy in a choke hold before dragging him out of sight from the civilians below. He wants answers and he wants them now, "I saw you watching me from up here! What are you playing at?! Who are you working for?! Talk!"

"What the fuck, man! Cosplay is not consent! Let me go!"

Out of nowhere, Hal comes sprinting towards them waving his arms, "Bill! Stop!" He grabs at Dave's forearm in a futile attempt to pull it away from the spy's neck, "He's just a cosplayer!" He addresses the spy directly, "Sam Fisher, right?"

The spy croaks out a strangled "Yeah, that's right."

"See, he's just pretending to be a spy! Relax! Let him go!"

"Yeah, what he said," comes another croak from Dave's captive. 

With another pleading look from Hal, Dave reluctantly loosens his grip.

The cosplayer squirms away and rubs at his neck, "Damn, you are the most ripped Ash I have ever seen."

Hal pushes his glasses up his nose, "Sorry, he's...really into Splinter Cell."

"Eh, don't worry about it. It'll be a great story! 'Sam Fisher surprised and interrogated by bara-Ash Ketchum.' My friends'll go nuts! Anyway, thanks for saving the day, Pikachu!"

"No problem!" Hal waves as the cosplayer turns and trots off down the stairs. 

Dave feels like he's just listened to a conversation in a language he doesn't speak, "Splinter Cell?"

"Yeah, it's a stealth game. Just imagine VR missions and that's basically it," Hal sighs, "Come on, we'd better get you home before anything else like this crops up."

Dave allows himself to be led by the arm down the stairs and leans into the touch as the adrenaline running through his system dissipates. It's moments like this, when Hal's the one touching him instead of the other way around, that he can almost imagine Hal returning his feelings. He looks over at Hal's ridiculous costume and remembers the keychain. Dave fishes it out of his pocket and dangles it in front of Hal's face, "Here, figured you might like it."

Hal rolls the keychain around in his hands and stares back at Dave with an astonished look on his face, one that Dave has learned means he's done something Hal would consider "incredible." _Perfect, he loves it._ Dave claps Hal fondly on the back, "So, who in the hell is Ash?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DakimakuraCon is not a real anime convention. I made it up. Could you imagine?


	3. A Day in the Life

Hal's been chewing on the half-baked idea for a while now, and recent events finally tip him over the edge into "Okay, I'll do it" mode. Dave was warming up to Hal's hobbies, taking more of an interest in his work, and generally learning more about him. It's nice to have a roommate. It's really nice that the roommate happens to double as Solid Snake, real life action hero. Of course, Hal would never know what it was actually like to be a hardened soldier engineered to be physically and mentally ideal for the battlefield, but with a little modification to their nanomachines, he could at least get a taste of it. Just for a day, Hal wanted to feel what it was like to be the legendary Solid Snake.

When Hal puts the finishing touches on his code and checks for bugs one more time, the first signs of the sunrise are just noticeable out the window. 

~*~

As Hal activates the modified nanomachine protocol, he feels a sudden warmth enveloping him and one of his arms feels slightly numb. Dave must still be in bed and positioned weird, pinching the nerves of his left shoulder. 

_Incredible, it worked!_ Hal had attempted to shunt a copy of all Dave's temperature and touch sensory inputs as well as circulatory system functions into his own nervous system, such that they would be overlaid on Hal's own physical state. He could feel the texture of the blankets and the sudden movement of air as Dave shoved them aside to stand up, the cold floor against Dave's feet as he padded into the kitchen, and the pressure against Dave's fingers as he fumbled with the coffee maker. He could even feel Dave's heartbeat and breathing alongside his own in his chest. It was a surreal experience that would definitely take some getting used to.

Out of nowhere, a rush of almost painful heat runs down the back of his throat and he coughs and chokes on the non-existent liquid, "Gah! Jeez, Dave! Warn me next time before you just go and drink boiling hot coffee!" He looks up from his gagging fit to find Dave leaning against the kitchen door frame and staring at him.

Dave brow furrows and he looks at the mug in his hands, "Um...what?"

Hal freezes. _Oops._ He attempts a hasty cover, "I mean, why didn't you pour me a cup? It'll cool off and who wants to drink lukewarm coffee?" He lets a nervous laugh bubble up from the tension in his chest.

"O...kay. Sure. Coming right up." Dave nudges himself off the door frame with his shoulder and shuffles back into the kitchen.

Dave returns in a moment, now holding two mugs, and hands one of them to Hal. As he reaches out to take it, their fingers brush and the amplified sensation of two sets of synapses firing from his fingertips makes him jump, nearly spilling the coffee. Hal breathes a hasty apology and sets the coffee down next to his keyboard.

"Easy there." Dave squeezes Hal's shoulder and there it is again, that layered version of a normal touch, synapses firing both from his shoulder and from his palm at the same time. Did they always touch this much? 

Dave pats Hal's shoulder affectionately, "Maybe you shouldn't drink that after all. Did you sleep last night? I need my partner in top form, you know," a playful note evident in his tone.

Hal shudders under the attention and pushes his glasses up his nose, not even sure what question he's answering, "No, I mean, y-yeah. Maybe?"

Dave barks out a laugh and claps him on the back, "I'll get the next pot brewing."

Hal shudders again. _This was a bad idea._

~*~

The sentiment that modifying their nanomachines was a bad idea is cemented about twenty minutes later when Dave starts working out, because Hal cannot even process the deluge of sensory information. The sensations make Hal feel so strong and light, the muscles in his back and arms working in tandem to pull him effortlessly through the air. _And Dave feels like this every day. It must be wonderful._ Hal basks in the cooling sensation of the sweat transmitted from the exposed skin of Dave's torso and the rhythmic beat of two hearts in his chest. He sighs and keeps his eyes glued to the screens in front of him, lest he lose all self control and—

 _What was that?_ Hal tries to parse the jolt of heat that just shot down his spine to pool in his groin. _Dave must_ really _enjoy working out._ He can't help himself to keep a soft moan from echoing through his throat.

"Hm?" Dave grunts in question from across the room.

"Oh, uh..." _Say something, you dolt!_ "Enjoying your workout?" He immediately regrets opening his mouth...and existing in general.

"I could ask you the same question."

 _What?!_ "What?" Hal finally hazards a glance at Dave and is greeted by the muscles of Dave's back flexing sinuously in exertion. He swallows. 

"Nothing, just...you're working out, too," Dave drops from where he was doing pull-ups and turns toward Hal, wiping his face with a towel, "Keeping your brain sharp isn't much different from keeping my muscles toned. We need both on the battlefield." He drops the towel back to hang on his hip and meets Hal's eyes for a moment.

Hal feels another spike of arousal transmitted through the nanomachines, and struggles against letting it show on his face. He must look strange anyway, though, because Dave quirks an eyebrow at him. At least he thought the sensation was from Dave. But it couldn't be, could it? He's finished his workout and now he's just standing across the room staring at Hal. Nothing particularly arousing about that on Dave's end. _Or maybe there is!_ Was Dave enjoying Hal's eyes on him? Could Dave be attracted to him? At the thought of Dave eyeing him up, Hal has to bite back a moan, sucking his lower lip into his mouth slightly and letting his eyelids droop. Another spike of arousal. _Oh, god, what is happening right now?!_ Hal gasps and turns pointedly back to his myriad screens.

Dave clears his throat. His voice is even deeper and more gravelly than usual, "I'm...gonna hit the showers."

~*~

The situation is rapidly spiraling out of control. Hal no longer remembers why he decided to do this in the first place if not for the obvious masturbatory potential. Nearly all rational thought has been replaced by a nonstop flood of imagined scenarios involving Dave and himself in various compromised positions. Hal hears the shower head hiss to life and waits in anticipation. If Dave is anything like Hal, he'll use his private time spent wrapped in the warm, soothing water to his best advantage. Hal imagines Dave's absolutely ripped body wet and dripping under the spray as he—

A sudden sharp chill and rush of goosebumps run from Hal's face all the way down to his toes and he shrieks in shock, "Waahh!! Dave! A cold shower?!"

Dave shouts in response from the bathroom, "What?! How did you—"

Spurred to action by an immediate need to end the phantom assault of frigid water running down his back, Hal bustles into the bathroom unabashedly, shoves the shower curtain aside, and turns the faucet into the red "hot water" indicator zone. Realizing his proximity to a very confused, very naked Dave with no good explanation, Hal jumps back, "Uh..."

Dave slowly leans his face out from behind the shower curtain and rubs his forehead and temple in obvious frustration, "First the coffee and now this..." he glares at Hal and gestures at the plumbing, "Care to explain?"

Hal panics and says the first non-sexual, non-nanomachine thing he can think of, "For warmth, obviously! You know we don't have to pay for the hot water here! The landlord absorbs the cost for the whole building, so why not help offset the heating system, which we do pay for?!" He hopes he sounds more convincingly angry than obviously flustered.

Dave blinks, "Oh."

The comforting heat of the warming water pattering against Dave's skin transmits across the room and relaxes Hal fractionally. He sighs in satisfaction. _Why would anyone choose to take a cold shower in the first place?_ Hal voices this thought before he can stop himself, "And why would you take a cold shower anyway! It's like self-inflicted torture!"

Dave's shrug is visible through the quasi-transparent plastic between them, "It's refreshing." He pulls the shower curtain shut and starts lathering shampoo in his hair, but doesn't turn the faucet back into the blue, "I'll try and keep Philanthropy's massive utility bills in mind in the future."

Hal can hear the sarcasm in Dave's voice. He stands blinking his embarrassment away for a few seconds before Dave speaks again.

"Hal?"

Hal swallows, "Yeah?"

"I think I've got it from here. That was your cue."

"Oh, r-right." Hal rushes out of the bathroom and shuts the door forcefully behind himself before sliding down slowly to the floor with his face in his hands. _It's a good thing it's medically impossible to die from complete mortification_ , he comforts himself, _or I'd have died right there on the grimy tile floor._

"Hal?!"

 _Huh?_ He pushes up to standing and opens the door a crack, "Y-yeah?"

"If I'm supposed to be heating the apartment with my showers, don't you think you should leave the bathroom door open?"

Hal's face blanches and he wishes the floor would swallow him up. He shoves the door open and then practically sprints off down the hall to his bedroom.


	4. Snake in the Grass

Dave stands deep in thought as he washes the shampoo out of his hair. First, he chalked it up to sleeping in a funny position and pinched nerves. Then, he'd thought maybe it was just drafts in the apartment, really strong, targeted, unusually warm drafts. Now, he's considering the possibility that he's slipped over the edge into complete insanity. He can feel two heartbeats in his chest, for fuck's sake!

Worse than that is whatever it is seems to be affecting Hal as well. He'd been acting really strange all morning. Had they been infected with some sort of virus or maybe poisoned or something? How, though? They hadn't even been outside their apartment in several days! 

And what was that out in the living room? Dave had been minding his own business, doing pull-ups like he does every morning, when his dick had suddenly decided it was a good time to pitch a tent in his pants. His mind had instantly reminded him that Hal was watching him across the room, which of course just exacerbated things, not to mention hearing a little moan from Hal and feeling another thrill of pleasure run through him. It had only gotten worse from there, like he was trapped in some kind of sexy feedback loop. The hornier he felt, the more lust would flood his system, and he'd had to remove himself from Hal's presence before he did something really stupid. Like "compromising their friendship" stupid. 

The cold shower idea might have worked, except Hal had busted in on him in a frenzy about...heating and cooling costs? Dave wasn't sure. All he knew was that something was very, very—

 _Oh, fuck!_ Dave groans and braces himself against the wall of the shower, the warm water still beating against his back. There's a thin-fingered hand that is definitely not his wrapping around his dick. A slow stroke and the feedback loop is back in full force. It feels incredible! Dave barely has the mental resources available to make any kind of analysis of the situation, but he manages to swipe his arms around in front of him to make sure it isn't an intruder wearing stealth camouflage. Dave appears to be alone and more aroused than he has ever been in his entire life. Self-control dwindling below the empty mark, Dave invites his own hand to the party.

"Oh, FUCK!"

Dave's sure that Hal can hear him yelling from anywhere in their small apartment, especially with the bathroom door open, but he can't stop himself. He's fresh out of stoic composure after the rest of the morning's events. As soon as he starts stroking himself, the surge of additional pleasure nearly blinds him. _What in the_ hell _is happening?_ The sensation is more than just two hands moving on him in tandem. It feels like he's got twice the nerve endings. God, it's the best thing he's ever felt, and even though he knows he should be extremely worried about the source of said feeling, he honestly can't fucking give a crap.

Dave picks up the pace and the second layer of friction follows his lead. It only takes a few well placed strokes before the slightly unfamiliar shockwave of a climax hits him, followed in less than a second by his own. He stands pumping himself and riding out what feels like two orgasms simultaneously.

"What. The. Hell." Still panting from the experience, Dave shuts off the water and swipes a towel from the rack. He whips it around his hips without even drying himself before he rushes off to find Hal. They've got to figure out what's going on! NOW!

After a quick scan of the apartment and no Hal, Dave slams open the door to Hal's bedroom, "Hal, I can feel two—" the scene that greets him brings him down from an anxious growl to a tentative grumble, "heartbeats..." The rest of the tirade he had planned dies on his lips.

Hal is sprawled out on his mattress panting heavily. His lounge pants are pushed down low on his hips, his stomach is spattered with evidence of what he's just been up to, and Dave's favorite bandana is wrapped around one of his hands.

Hal's head lolls toward Dave with a satisfied hum and he blinks once or twice before his eyes widen. He sits up, yanks a sheet over his lap, and shimmies his pants back up. He notices Dave's searching look and hides the bandanaed hand behind his back with a yelp, "I-I can explain!"

Dave takes a mesmerized step into the room. He has so many questions, but they're all running circles around one another. _Two heartbeats? Hal touching himself? My bandana?_ He can't manage to form any of them into a coherent sentence, so he instead opts for staring Hal straight in the eyes and taking another step toward him.

Hal cowers under Dave's gaze, "It was," he swallows, "it was only supposed to affect my nanomachines! I thought I had— There must have been— Oh, Dave! Please don't move out! I promise I won't ever do it again!"

"Nanomachines?" Dave manages as he takes another step. He's within arm's reach of Hal now.

"Y-yeah, I just...wanted to see what it would feel like...to be Solid Snake for a day," he laughs nervously and fiddles with the sheets in his lap, "It's stupid, I know, b-but—"

Dave fists his hands in Hal's t-shirt and drags him to his feet. 

Hal's hands are shaking as he grabs at Dave's wrists, "Dave, please! I'm sorry! Oh, god, I've ruined everything! I'm so—"

Dave crushes his lips to Hal's and groans at the intensified sensation of having twice the nerve endings enveloped in a soft, warm, slightly scratchy kiss. Hal almost instantly responds, gasping and moaning as Dave takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss. A whirlwind of thoughts beg for Dave's attention. _I can't believe this is happening. I've fantasized about this so many times. I've wanted you for so long. I've_ needed _you for so long._ He wants to tell Hal everything, but the feedback loop of heady arousal is rapidly absorbing his entire consciousness. Another deep moan from Hal and there is nothing left but the instinctive need for more.

Dave shoves Hal up against the wall next to the mattress and slides one of his hands into Hal's hair. His other hand settles on Hal's hipbone and he breaks the kiss to suck fiercely on Hal's neck. The sharp sensation of his own mouth on his neck through the nanomachines only makes Dave suck harder.

With his mouth free, Hal starts screaming, "God, yes, Snake! Ah!"

Dave growls against Hal's neck at hearing his codename in such a breathless way and ruts against him, losing his already precariously loose towel in the process. He can feel Hal's cock against his thigh through the thin fabric between them. A brief moment of realization breaks through his pleasure-induced frenzy, reminding him just who he's with and how much he's wanted this, and he angles his thrusts so that their erections slide together. His gyrations earn him another moaned rendition of his codename to go along with the amplified friction.

As if suddenly realizing that he's allowed to touch, too, Hal runs his hands up over Dave's shoulder blades and then down to cup his ass, encouraging his thrusts. Dave can feel the texture of his own bandana rubbing against his skin and that's all it takes. "Otacon," he grinds out as he feels the twin orgasms erupt through his body.

They both stand breathing heavily leaning against one another for a few beats.

Hal clears his throat, "I should...uh...go and stop the modified protocol. I'm not sure that, well, I don't think this level of sensory input is healthy for a prolonged period of time and—"

Dave smirks against Hal's neck, "Is another, say, 30 minutes really going to make a difference? I didn't even get your pants off," he drags a finger down under the waistband of Hal's underwear, "What do you say, _Otacon_? I can even wear my bandana for you," he emphasizes Hal's codename with a roll of his hips.

Hal shudders and sighs, "Ah, I guess...a few more minutes couldn't hurt."

It's nearly three hours later before Hal so much as looks at his keyboard.


	5. Hangover

Hal wakes with a distressed groan. He aches all over and his head feels like it's going to explode at the slightest disturbance. He had most certainly been right about the nanomachine-induced sensory overload. This is even worse than a hangover. He sits up and rubs his eyes before sliding his glasses onto his face. The other side of his bed harbors a conspicuously empty Dave-shaped indent. _God, what have I done?_

After Hal had returned their nanomachines to normal, they had showered and decided that a nap would be an excellent course of action, even though it was only about one o'clock in the afternoon. Hal had tried to apologize again, but Dave had climbed into bed with him, spooned up against his back, and said, "Later." 

Hal looks out the window. Dusk probably counts as "later" and there's no use putting off the conversation, so he tries to collect himself and slowly gets to his feet.

Hal stalks out into the living room clutching at his forehead and finds Dave lounging in his boxers on the couch with a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. He looks...absolutely and completely gorgeous. When Dave sees Hal, he snubs out the cigarette with a sheepish grin and motions for Hal to come and snuggle up next to him, patting the cushion beside him and making a curve with his arm.

Hal hesitates. This has to be some kind of incredible dream. The probability that Dave is into men, attracted to Hal, not weirded out by what Hal had decided to dub "The Nanomachine Incident," and not making plans to move out immediately must be infinitesimally small. Was Dave just being nice about it for Hal's sake? If so, he definitely doesn't deserve such easy forgiveness.

As Hal wrestles with all of his hangups, he tries to coalesce them into one question, "Dave, are you even into men or was it just the nanomachines?"

Dave shrugs, "I like sex. And I'm into attractive naked people," he takes a swig of his beer, "What does it matter anyway? I can count on my fingers the people who even know my real first name, so who cares if I'm into men or not? Let me ask you a question," he points the neck of the beer bottle in Hal's direction, " _other_ than the nanomachine part, do you regret what we just did?"

Hal considers for a moment, then shakes his head fractionally. Who in their right mind would regret spending several hours being thoroughly ravished by the legendary Solid Snake after months of fantasizing about it, virtual hangover or no?

"Okay, and do you want to do any of the stuff we just did again sometime?"

Hal embarrasses himself with how quickly and vigorously he nods. He winces in pain from the head movement, but recovers quickly with a small smile. Yes, he definitely wants to do it again. As soon and often as possible.

"Good, because I do, too. So who cares? Who gives a crap? We both know what we want to do, and it's no one else's goddamn business," Dave takes another swig of his beer and wiggles his fingers at Hal.

Hal sighs and flops down onto the couch. Dave's arm wraps around his shoulders and pulls him flush against the warmth of his side. 

Dave leans his face against Hal's scalp and sniffs indelicately, "You smell great, by the way. Kind of like freshly baked bread."

Hal smiles and lets his head settle onto Dave's shoulder, "Yeah? Well, you smell like an ashtray at a bar."

Dave chuckles and nuzzles his nose into Hal's hair.

As overjoyed as he is to hear Dave's sentiments, Hal can't let go of the need to apologize for the countless morally questionable aspects of The Nanomachine Incident, "Dave, I really am sorry—"

"Well, don't be. Didn't you hear me howling things like, 'I've imagined this so many times,' or 'I can't believe we're actually doing this,' or 'You are so fucking amazing'? I mean, I'll admit that the circumstances were a little out there and I've got a nasty headache from the hours of 'double my pleasure,' but that says it right there, doesn't it? Hours? You think if I wasn't already head over heels for you I would have—"

"But that's just it, Dave...why me? Why even give me a second glance? I don't think I really count as an 'attractive naked person,'" Hal flattens his hand gratefully over the fabric of the t-shirt that is hiding his pasty, white rib cage from view.

Dave kisses his forehead, "Because your skin is so smooth and pale and your hair is so soft and your hips have this curve to them and...and I trust you. I trust you with my life. Hell, you've _saved_ my life, on multiple occasions. And you're a good person, even though you've seen the world for what it really is," Dave shifts a little so that he can look Hal in the eyes, "And of all the people who've ever gotten close to me, you're the only one that seems to be doing it without any ulterior motives."

Hal winces as he mentally chastises himself once again for The Nanomachine Incident, "Well..."

Dave smirks, "Other than getting me between the sheets, anyway. What I mean is, you waste time doing pointless stuff with me, like playing that dancing game or watching animes. You've got nothing to gain from any of it other than spending time with me and getting to know me outside of Philanthropy, outside of the battlefield, and I guess I never knew how much I wanted that from someone until now," Dave squeezes Hal's shoulder and returns to resting his cheek against Hal's scalp, "So that's why you."

Hal lets Dave's words wash over him and it finally starts to sink in that Dave actually might care about him just as much as he cares about Dave. And if he's honest with himself, he would have forgiven Dave for something like The Nanomachine Incident in an instant, so maybe he really didn't have to be quite so sorry. Hal nestles his face against Dave's neck and closes his eyes, basking in the wonder of it all.

Dave runs his hand idly along Hal's arm, "Speaking of which, didn't you say you wanted me to watch another show with you, something about neo-genetics? Evil-something?"

Hal furrows his brow for a minute and then the light bulb flickers on, "Oh, right! Yeah!" he somewhat reluctantly extricates himself from Dave's cozy embrace to cue up the videos. He pulls up the first episode of Neon Genesis Evangelion on the largest monitor. When he turns back to the couch, Dave has repositioned himself so that he's lying against one of the armrests. Dave gestures to his chest and Hal takes the hint, sitting between Dave's legs and leaning back into him. Once he's settled, Dave wraps his arms around Hal's waist and hugs him in closer. Hal hums in satisfaction as the Neon Genesis Evangelion intro music plays.

Hal's coding skills were responsible for getting him thoroughly laid and his otaku hobbies were responsible for laying the foundations for it. Score one for nerds everywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to hear some comments on this fic! It's a little different than the stuff I normally write, so any feedback would be great! :3


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